Austin

"My sternum... it was being attacked. By the remnants of the evil tumor that took over my mind and body. Because Dark Austin stabbed it, it was defeated once and for all. The end! -collapses- Ugh."

Austin Ho is an aspiring musician-person, part time detective, full time Nigga, and the main protagonist of the Stuff Store regular universe. In every single one of the many arcs that comprise the Stuff Store Regular Universe story arc, Austin has always been the main character; as a result, a great deal of character focus is placed on him. Much of the story revolves around Austin's struggles against evil, his personal relationships with friends, and his attempts to save the world in the face of ensuing chaos.

Personality

 * "People of America? We need everyone to get to these boats. To leave America and get away from these evil soul things. If you all don't leave, it'll be the end of all that is 'Murica! The baseball, the apple pie, the white picket-fences, everything! Do you want America, the greatest country ever, to be forgotten and last forever?! If not, head for the boats. It's the only way to carry on our 'Murican legacy!"

On the alignment scale, Austin is a Chaotic Good. He is as generous, compassionate, decent as he is a boisterous, rebellious spirit who believes in doing good by his own standards, adhering to no moral code but his own. He will go to many lengths to protect his friends, even if those lengths are impulsive or ruthless. At other times, he is arrogant and overly masculine, but that is mostly due to his inbred American blood, and his abilities with a shotgun and a chainsaw.

Though he appears foul-mouthed, immature, and possibly insane, the boy is full of wisdom and practical knowledge that makes others look up to him; indeed, in the direst of situations, his true worth as a fighter, as a leader, and as a friend is shown. This is not to say, however, that he is necessarily a hero; he values freedom, and believes that those who oppose it should be stopped at all costs; he has done some seemingly despicable or gruesome things in order to maintain that balance. He is more than willing to shoot, destroy, kill, rob, and disobey the law so that he can protect his friends and his people. Ironically, despite his constant law-breaking, President Obama trusted Austin to become the next heir of the American Presidency, and he rose to become a well-respected President, even in the face of World War Three.

Role
Austin's first appearance is directly at the beginning of 'The Anger of Tuxedo Knight'; at the moment, he is attempting to make another techno song. Suddenly, a mysterious man by the name of Tuxedo Knight (through Austin's computer) threatens Austin through Skype; he claims that his army will be storming his house in a mere few minutes. Austin, addled and alarmed, tries to find a way to escape. Luckily for him, energetic pizzeria owner Pizza Vampire, a longtime friend of Austin's  bursts through his balcony door. After they jump off of the balcony and take refuge underneath Pizza Vampire's Invisible Cloak, he informs Austin of the soldiers breaking into his house as they speak. Afterwards, they fly (in a cramped invisibily cloak) to the Baseball Stadium, where Vizit waits in the darkness. Austin immediately notices her intense beauty. After meeting up with and quickly catching up with eachother, Vizit instructs the two to follow her to AM-PM. As they depart towards the convience store, the trio comes across McDonalds, which has been recently taken over by Tuxedo Knight and his armies. After finding out about this, they stealthily hurry to AM-PM, where they greet the cashier and store-owner, Steve.

Steve introduces himself and proceeds to make a cup of coffee, much to Austin's disapproval, given the situation they're in. Soon afterward, he pulls a lever on the coffee machine, causing the entrance to AM-PM to detonate, delaying Tuxedo Knight and his armies' access to the convenience store. While Austin is very confused and beginning to ponder the sanity of his newly-made friends, Steve takes them to a freezer where all AM-PM's Coca-Cola is stored. Before they make it to the freezer, they all hear Tuxedo Knight's men begin to infiltrate the store. After realizing this, Vizit tells everyone to get into the elevator. After piling into the freezer-elevator, Steve grabs a particular Coca-Cola bottle and pulls it. This causes the freezer to descend rapidly. While this is happening, the four ruffians hear the demolished entrance to AM-PM explode yet again. Tuxedo Knight's men storm the building, only to find it empty. Soon, the elevator comes to a stop, and opens to a narrow hallway, that leads into a massive underground society, filled to the brim with humans AND ponies; Austin can't help but remark on how awesome it is.

Before he can die of a fangasm, Trixie walks up to Austin and welcomes him into what Pizza Vampire and Vizit both call the Court of Miracles. Trixie tells about the situation, that Tuxxy is preparing to attack the Court of Miracles with over a thousand men. Austin is terrified by this, and still pretty damn confused considering that all this had happened in one night. Nevertheless, Trixie tells him to arm himself and get ready for the coming battle; but not before Vizit and Steve and Pizza Vampire all aim rifles at Trixie. Austin ducks, totally unprepared for this, and then Pizza Vampire denounces Trixie as a spy: but not just any spy - a blue spy! Lars, Tuxedo Knight's second in command.

Before Trixie, oops, Lars, can make any move, Steve impales the bastard with a bullet. Austin is in total shock that they would kill someone in cold blood, but Vizit reminds him that Lars would have chopped off their genitalia. Austin gets ready to help lead the ruffians in the Court of Miracles to battle; that is, until a massive explosion rocks the Court of Miracles, and Tuxxy's thousand men storm the Court. A brief battle ensues, and the humans and ponies in the Court of Miracles are seized and are sentenced to a public burning: Austin is handed an ACR by Steve and he shoots Tuxedo Knight point blank in the chest, several times, but Tuxedo Knight is wearing full body armor and shoots Austin in the breastplate, then bounds him alongside Vizit, Steve, and Pizza Vampire.

Stuff Store: The Musical

 * "The Asian"

In the big opening number to Stuff Store: The Musical, Hard Jams Inc. recites the tale of Austin defeating Tuxedo Knight in the Court of Miracles, one admittedly abridged and in a musical form. He shares a triplet with Tuxedo Knight and Sam of Hard Jams Inc., but instead of it being a revolver duel, it is an epic, private swordsfight.


 * "Pringle"

Some years later, Austin Ho has become a pop opera singer. In this song, he performs the emotionally stirring 'Pringle', backed by a female chorus (who later appear as missionaries).


 * "A Victorious Failure"

Austin ends the show and returns to the VSSPAL Headquarters, where he realizes he has been followed by a very cute fangirl, who asks politely for his autograph. In his own Austin Ho form, he gives it to her, but not before the girl transforms into Queen Dick, who sings about how she will beat Austin and how he is burnt out now, but, unfortunately, it is her own singing that foils her.


 * "Poor Unfortunate Souls"

Upon discovering that the mass singing is a rampant problem in the town of Gilbert, Austin and his good friend, Eyup, find themselves in the famed Gay Tanner's shop, where he sings a very creepy and cunning number before Austin interrupts him. Gay Tanner gives him and Eyup a possible solution by showing them a suspect - right in the heart of New Las Vegas, Gilbert, AZ.


 * "The Church of Steve" (does not sing)

Upon being formally introduced to High Priestess Hilariosu, she suckers Austin and Eyup into the very Church itself (a tall building made of multiple rooms, more of a hotel than a Church) and tries charming them into joining them. The Priestess knows of Austin Ho's life - he lives in constant danger because of his world-renowned status, and Hilariosu and her missionaries offer to protect him.

However, once shaking her hand, a strange musical ritual begins, of flashy magic and light shows. The next thing Austin is aware of, everything turns black.


 * "A Weird Ass Day"

Austin awakens in the outskirts of New Las Vegas, reflecting over what strange events had gone on in a mere few days, along with other fellow Gilbert citizens.


 * "Failure"

Austin's attempts at saving the very Steve the Church of Steve worships fail horribly, and he is thrown into the yard. While he walks back home, he is childishly taunted by Tuxedo Knight and Queen Dick's spirits.


 * "Mission"

Committing himself to redemption, Austin learns from Jaclose that he must show the Church of Steve that he has the balls to take on any challenge, and he vows to get Steve back to his rigthful place - back home.


 * "Brand New Day"

Alongside Vizit, Pizza Vampire, and Jaclose, Austin steels himself for the final confrontation and sets off on a manhunt to find Steve, no matter what the bloodshed.


 * "The Showdown"

After destroying several missionaries, Austin is finally overwhelmed at the underground sectors of the Church of Steve, where he is taunted and degraded by Hilariosu in front of Steve, who is conflicted as whether to stay with the Church or to go back home. His wounds turning infectious,  Austin is finally able to get Steve back, but just as Hilariosu finds herself unable to accept defeat - she injures Austin once more and locks Steve inside yet another ritual.

However, in the process of this, Steve is able to transfer his soul to Austin, therefore saving his life. He and Hilariosu have a fistfight as Steve is trapped inside magic, but Steve is saved by the entrance of the VSSPAL members, who burst in at the right moment. Steve dies, and Austin is tragified.

Just kidding! It turns out Steve was alive all along.


 * "Hooray!"

The company sings about how damn good it is to make that bitch eat her hair!

Trivia

 * Austin becomes the 45th President of the United States, the first man under 18 to lead the country.
 * He has been shown to be incredibly proficient in rap battles, as shown when he schools Niggav.
 * Though his favorite diner used to be Denny's, to this day going there brings him immense displeasure because it brings back PTSD-esque memories of Vizit getting shot over and over and over in a booth.
 * He is an avid gamer, having a tendency towards role-playing games, fighting games, and sidescrollers.
 * He was briefly infested by a parasite known only to him as Dark Austin; this later happened to his Alternative Universe counterpart, David Ho, when Dave got infected by the parasite called Nameless.
 * To date, Austin has been killed exactly four times and come close to death eleven times; he is the character second-most liable to die and come back to life, the first being Sam, who has died five times.
 * Austin has the ability to time travel.
 * Austin's abilities tend to differ throughout the story; at first, he was a fairly balanced character who used guns, swords, a variety of other smaller weapons. Over time, he began to acquire Super Saiyan-esque powers, which were later ditched for Naruto-esque powers, later ditched for Elsword-esque powers, before finally settling into something more akin to his original, weapon-based interpretation.